1. I can speak English. I also understand English, and quite a few of the accents, although getting the jokes is sometimes tricky. So, I use subtitles while watching ‘Have I got news for you’ or ‘Mock the week’.

2. I show interest in sports. I can’t call myself a footie gal, but I do watch snooker, and find curling rather amusing.

3. I love pets or animals in general. I would report anyone hurting or kicking their dog to RSPCA without a doubt. I adore watching birds, squirrels and even slugs which seem to be in plentiful number this year.

4. I love a good laugh. I don’t get upset being called ‘sneaky f***g Russian’ as a joke like Boris the Blade from Snatch, even though I am Lithuanian.

5. I absolutely love walks in the countryside.

6. I don’t despise tea with milk, and I always look forward to the occasional full English breakfast. I’ve even come to love custard and Yorkshire pudding. Marmite is still in the pipeline though.

7. I celebrate Easter, Christmas, Mother’s and Valentine’s Day, and of course it’s hard to complain about general Bank Holidays (except that there are not enough of them). I also post tens of Christmas cards, and I sign them all personally. I even send RSVPs to event/function organisers if I am asked to.

8. I remember to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, and will send out ‘Thank You’ cards / emails / letters as appropriate after attending a meeting, an event, a reception or a dinner party. I will even send ‘Thank you’ cards to estate agents and solicitors if they did a good job. I try to give feedback and testimonials to the companies who performed well, and give feedback (or complain) if they didn’t.

9. I will wait in queues at the Post Office. I will even let someone go ahead of me if they are merely getting one letter sent, and I have a pile of packages of various sizes. I gave up the queue jumping technique a long time ago.

10. I say ‘sorry’ if someone bumps into me.

11. I return the shopping trolley to the appropriate place. I give a shout if someone has left their pound coin in the trolley.

12. I purchase train tickets before boarding the train. I don’t use the lavatory if the train is not moving. I switch off my mobile to not disturb the fellow passengers. I try not to speak on the phone if there are other people trapped in the same carriage. I help others with their luggage or prams.

13. While on the train, I give up my seat to pregnant women, elderly or disabled. I feel embarrassed if they thank me more than once.

14. I roll my eyes along with fellow passengers if loud kids are annoying everyone with their mobile music-blasting gadgets. Under no circumstances do I interfere with such behaviour.

15. I support local businesses (i.e. bakery, florist, and newsagent).

16. I donate money to charities, I will support friends who do things for charity, and I shop at charity shops. I donate bric-a-brac, books and clothes to my local charity store.

17. I love a bargain. Car boot sales make an excellent Sunday pastime.

18. I am a true DIY worshipper. I am not ashamed to admit that I know how to crochet or make a patchwork quilt.

19. I attend local community meetings. I have signed up for the local council online message board, and I report any nuisances or problems that I come across in the area. I watch out for my neighbours.

20. I will call Crimestoppers if I notice an individual matching the description of a suspect.

21. I recycle my rubbish, and I have a compost heap in my back garden. I pay the local council to remove my excess garden waste.

22. I mow the lawn, I plant flowers, and I don’t throw BBQ parties in the front garden.

23. I pay taxes, NI contributions, council tax, TV licence, insurance, and just about anything I cannot escape from paying. I do not claim any benefits and never have.

24. I love British drama, sitcoms, stand-up, and TV comedy shows like QI and Catherine Tate Show. To prove my love, I even went to London Studios to sit in the audience for ‘News Knight with Sir Trevor McDonald’. I laughed too.

25. I try to crack jokes. I mean, I have had some success in doing so, but it’s normally a bit hit and miss.

26. I follow current affairs. I can spot the difference between Tony Blair and Gordon Brown. This leads to the confession that I do vote.

27. I try not to use any comparison between ‘here, in Britain’ and ‘back in my country’. (Well, most of the time.)

28. I try not to show off the fact that I am fluent in three languages.

29. I have some British friends. I remember their birthdays. I try to pronounce their names correctly, and laugh when they can’t pronounce mine. I don’t disturb them at unsocial hours.

30. I don’t attempt to steal a married man (I feel disgusted by the likes of Katie Hopkins).

31. I won’t say no to a pint of shandy, a glass of sherry, or a bottle of wine. I will get a round of drinks when my turn comes.

32. I try not to stare at people, not to point fingers at them, not to touch them and not to hug them if they aren’t keen. I do not spit in public.

33. I return letters to the sender if the addressee no longer resides at my address. I never open any mail that is not in my name. I deliver the post to the appropriate door if the postman got it wrong.

34. I shower everyday. I roll my eyes if a fellow Eastern European standing next to me on the train hasn’t.

35. I love to moan. However, according to Kate Fox’s ‘Watching the English’, I am not allowed to whinge about the British weather as I am a mere immigrant. I can relate to a lot of things brought up by Grumpy Old Men / Women.

I can’t think of anything else that I should do to integrate better into this society. Any suggestions?